I don't know what to say ... just as you don't know what to think about all of it ... I think we can just sit together in our unresolved-ness and quietly listen for God's voice. I think you were brave to go to church - and bravery sometimes comes with a battle ... within ... keep fighting friend.
I often don’t know what to say either, John. It’s been helpful to read John of the Cross and his instruction that navigating dark night calls for a shift from verbal meditation (or what John calls “discursive”) to silent contemplation. Ie, as you say, sitting and quietly listening. It’s not an easy practice, but I feel peace when I try it.
Finally got a chance to read this. It's so relatable- especially the what's wrong with me. I find myself so often saying, "If I didn't idolize XYZ, I'd be over the pain by now. If I wasn't so controlled by my circumstances, I'd know what it's like to love and trust God."
But no. There's unresolved brokenness that God promises will be healed at some point in this age or the next and I'm angry and sad that I see no realistic pathway towards it.
Yes, I had similar thoughts when I read her post. It is tempting to read Psalm 88 as dramatic despair, but it gives voice to true anger. I think that’s part of what makes us so uncomfortable with it.
I don't know what to say ... just as you don't know what to think about all of it ... I think we can just sit together in our unresolved-ness and quietly listen for God's voice. I think you were brave to go to church - and bravery sometimes comes with a battle ... within ... keep fighting friend.
I often don’t know what to say either, John. It’s been helpful to read John of the Cross and his instruction that navigating dark night calls for a shift from verbal meditation (or what John calls “discursive”) to silent contemplation. Ie, as you say, sitting and quietly listening. It’s not an easy practice, but I feel peace when I try it.
Finally got a chance to read this. It's so relatable- especially the what's wrong with me. I find myself so often saying, "If I didn't idolize XYZ, I'd be over the pain by now. If I wasn't so controlled by my circumstances, I'd know what it's like to love and trust God."
But no. There's unresolved brokenness that God promises will be healed at some point in this age or the next and I'm angry and sad that I see no realistic pathway towards it.
So relatable, Torren. Thank you. I grieve with you with sad, angry grief.
Identifying darkness as a friend rather than an enemy … I’m going to sit with that! Thanks for this.
I’m sitting with this too, would love to hear additional thoughts when you have them!
Thank you, Aaron. So much of what you are saying here dovetails with Aimee's post this week on anger. So helpful.
Yes, I had similar thoughts when I read her post. It is tempting to read Psalm 88 as dramatic despair, but it gives voice to true anger. I think that’s part of what makes us so uncomfortable with it.
appreciate this!
You’re very welcome!