Why should pastors have to answer for Driscoll’s crimes? It’s a Driscoll problem, not a church problem, right? A Tetzel problem, not a problem of systemic proportions. Or is it?
Reminds of the priest in Hunchback of Notre Dame: It's not my fault (mea culpa), I'm not to blame (mea culpa)... It's those celebrity pastors that are the problem... divert & distract from the systemic problem of authoritarian leadership that subjugates women that is rampant in christendom...
I agree with everything you said in this article, Aaron.
What do I think about Miller’s complaint? (“I feel like I’m trying to prove to everyone that I’m not a big jerk all the time, but I can’t, because you can’t prove a negative.”)
Miller’s complaint shows that he doesn’t yet understand how systemic and widespread abuse is in Christendom.
I’ve been writing and reading in the field of abuse within a Christian context for about two decades. I’ve supported hundreds if not thousands of abuse victims in Christendom, all over the world. Many of those victims were not abused by celebrities. But the abuse they suffered from leaders in small or medium sized congregations, and from so-called Christian counsellors, has often been inspired by false teaching by celebrities, big name organisations like CBMW, TGC, the GCC empire, etc.
Men who abuse their female intimate partners and are reluctantly compelled to attend a Men’s Behavior Change Program (Domestic Abuse Intervention Program) all say the same thing. They listen to other men’s accounts of how they abused their wives, and they say, “I’m not an abuser! I didn’t do the stuff that other guy did. What he did was abuse, but what I did wasn’t that bad!”
Miller’s complaint is akin in some ways to their complaint. “Don’t point the finger at me. I understand and deplore abuse. I can recognise abuse when I see it. I’m not complicit with abuse and don’t enable abuse!”
I really hope to find a church and pastoral team that won't be defensive. We left our church over a year ago and haven't consistently returned anywhere. I'm "one" of those people now...I left the church, deconstructed, whatever. I hear the lectures about returning, about the importance of church (we feel the absence deeply, no need to add a guilt trip), about how we can't claim to love Christ if we aren't part of the church...but I'm so hesitant right now for many reasons and one of those is that I would encounter this sort of posturing. What I sense from so many in the reformed camp is this sort of panicked defensiveness about people leaving, etc. It would be so *helpful* if they could hush a bit, listen, empathize, seek to learn, offer care and solace. There's so much Fear+Control from so many leaders. I don't think they see it as that but the more I reflect on the years we spent in those communities and the more I observe their reactions to the hurting people leaving their churches or their inability to weather just the reporting of church abuse...fear and control seem to be a big factor in their responses. That's something I'm trying to process. How do I let go of my own fear and control and find a path forward? What does it look like to be free of that?
Reminds of the priest in Hunchback of Notre Dame: It's not my fault (mea culpa), I'm not to blame (mea culpa)... It's those celebrity pastors that are the problem... divert & distract from the systemic problem of authoritarian leadership that subjugates women that is rampant in christendom...
I agree with everything you said in this article, Aaron.
What do I think about Miller’s complaint? (“I feel like I’m trying to prove to everyone that I’m not a big jerk all the time, but I can’t, because you can’t prove a negative.”)
Miller’s complaint shows that he doesn’t yet understand how systemic and widespread abuse is in Christendom.
I’ve been writing and reading in the field of abuse within a Christian context for about two decades. I’ve supported hundreds if not thousands of abuse victims in Christendom, all over the world. Many of those victims were not abused by celebrities. But the abuse they suffered from leaders in small or medium sized congregations, and from so-called Christian counsellors, has often been inspired by false teaching by celebrities, big name organisations like CBMW, TGC, the GCC empire, etc.
Men who abuse their female intimate partners and are reluctantly compelled to attend a Men’s Behavior Change Program (Domestic Abuse Intervention Program) all say the same thing. They listen to other men’s accounts of how they abused their wives, and they say, “I’m not an abuser! I didn’t do the stuff that other guy did. What he did was abuse, but what I did wasn’t that bad!”
Miller’s complaint is akin in some ways to their complaint. “Don’t point the finger at me. I understand and deplore abuse. I can recognise abuse when I see it. I’m not complicit with abuse and don’t enable abuse!”
I really hope to find a church and pastoral team that won't be defensive. We left our church over a year ago and haven't consistently returned anywhere. I'm "one" of those people now...I left the church, deconstructed, whatever. I hear the lectures about returning, about the importance of church (we feel the absence deeply, no need to add a guilt trip), about how we can't claim to love Christ if we aren't part of the church...but I'm so hesitant right now for many reasons and one of those is that I would encounter this sort of posturing. What I sense from so many in the reformed camp is this sort of panicked defensiveness about people leaving, etc. It would be so *helpful* if they could hush a bit, listen, empathize, seek to learn, offer care and solace. There's so much Fear+Control from so many leaders. I don't think they see it as that but the more I reflect on the years we spent in those communities and the more I observe their reactions to the hurting people leaving their churches or their inability to weather just the reporting of church abuse...fear and control seem to be a big factor in their responses. That's something I'm trying to process. How do I let go of my own fear and control and find a path forward? What does it look like to be free of that?